


Redshift

by littleflakdress



Series: Cosmological Constants [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure, F/M, Family, Female Friendship, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 16,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6277156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleflakdress/pseuds/littleflakdress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the end of the Reaper invasion, life is quiet for Admiral Shepard.  Maybe a little too quiet.<br/>She seizes the opportunity to investigate the mysterious dark matter that may signal the end of the galaxy.</p><p>*now with pictures!  And music!  [sorta]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another Day in Paradise

Admiral Jane Shepard inhaled a lungful of clean, salty air and stretched out her legs. The sun peeked hazily through the morning mist that hovered over the slate-grey stretch of ocean in front of her.  


Forcing her focus back to the datapad on her lap, she opened the message addressed to her from the Council. It still surprised her to see herself addressed as an Admiral.  
She’d taken the promotion, but it hadn’t meant much to her any more. After saving the galaxy from certain destruction and dying twice, ranks lost a certain shine to her. She avoided the trappings and formalities of military life when she could now.  


These days life was quiet for Jane. Officially she represented Earth on the GRC, Galactic Rebuilding Committee. Unofficially she was retired, taking things one day at a time with her partner Kaidan and their one year old daughter. She and her family split their time between their shoreside home in the Pacific Northwest- what had been ground zero for the Council’s initial efforts on Earth- and a new apartment on the Citadel, one the first high-end models to be built after the uglier, more practical units had been hastily thrown up.

This month was spent at the Vancouver house; still in a thick robe, she sipped her coffee on their upper balcony and finally slogged her way through the long-winded email. From downstairs came the soft sounds of Kaidan talking to their daughter Ashley about breakfast; she singsonged her responses in a nonsense language. It had surprised her she could even have children; a happy surprise though, as her brushes with mortality had finally kicked her biological clock into gear. Kaidan was more than happy to become a father and he took to it like a Hanar to water. On the days they were both called away his mother took over the role of caregiver; the two women got along startlingly well, more so than Jane did with her own mother. People clung together after near-death and destruction and she had wondered before if they would have ended up this way if the Reaper invasion hadn’t happened.  


She heard Kaidan climbing the stairs behind her, lifted her head and smiled at her partner as he carried their daughter into the room and set her down. The toddler gained her bearings then clomped across the rug to a pile of books she began flipping through upside-down.  


Kaidan leaned back, hands on lower back, cracking his lower vertebrae; though still active duty, most of his time had been spent behind a desk since his injuries during the war. “You got a lot to do today?”  


She scanned the datapad in front of her. “Just putting the final touches on my presentation.”  


He began absentmindedly tossing stray toys into a basket in the corner. “The refugee housing?” She shook her head.  


“Haestrom.”


	2. Dinner and a Show

Kaidan stopped, glanced at her, then continued tidying up the room. “Thought you’d given up on that.” 

She looked at him curiously. “Not for good obviously. We can’t ignore it forever.” He finally joined her on the balcony, keeping an eye on their daughter.  


“Not saying you should. But the Council does have a point- resources are stretched thin. How’re you going to convince them to drop everything and chase down some dark energy theories when there are still people living in federal tents?”  


She smiled and reached behind her to pull her hair- now grown long- into a messy bun. “That’s just the thing, I won’t have to. We have a friend in a high place who can get us both the resources and the research without taxing the Council.” She crooked the side of her mouth up in a smile. “Make that friends.” Kaidan didn’t reply with the enthusiasm she had been hoping for, instead watching their daughter quietly flip through a brightly colored book.  


***  


Tali arrived that night; she was relieved to get a break from her research station on Rannoch. When Jane opened the door the two women embraced in a tight hug; they hadn’t seen each other for almost a year. “I’m not used to wearing this suit anymore! Sorry!” The quarian laughed, untangling a catch from her friend’s grey tunic. Jane grinned widely.  


“I can’t wait to visit and see you without it.” Her recovery, then her duties, had kept her from seeing the quarian homeworld since it’s recolonization. Tali suddenly gasped and placed her hands over her mouthpiece; Kaidan, grinning victoriously, had appeared in the foyer with a bottle of quarian spirits in one hand and their daughter holding the other.  


“I don’t know whether you’re excited about meeting our kid or the alcohol. Never mind, I don’t want to know.” He hugged their friend as well. Whatever reservations he had about their mission, seeing their old crewmate filled him with warmth.  


***  


Several hours and empty plates later, the three sat on comfortable couches in front of a fire, the sunset casting an orange hue into the living room that overlooked the surf through large windows. Ashley had fallen asleep on Jane’s chest and they spoke in low tones to avoid waking her. Tali was explaining her work to the couple. “Before I rejoined the Normandy, I was stationed on Haestrom as part of a research team. Shepard, you probably remember me talking about our work there.” 

The other woman nodded. “Of course.”  


Tali pulled out a small tablet and fired up the holographic display. A planet circled slowly around a large sun with several informative tabs popping up in quarian writing. “We were there to observe Dholen, it’s sun. A red giant. It was… unstable. It was like an unknown force was aging it far quicker than would normally occur- draining it’s energy, in unscientific terms.” She shook her masked head. “Most of our theories at the time revolved around the Geth or the Reapers somehow… harnessing it’s energy. But they’re both gone and it’s still happening. If you ask me, this is just as dangerous as the Reapers. Except you can’t shoot it.” Kaidan leaned forward to look closer at the display.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing to a flashing point on the planet.

“That was what we were supposed to investigate next, before the Geth found us. It’s a remote spot on the opposite side of the planet we were stationed on.” She wiped her hand to rotate the visual. “We picked up huge energy signatures from the area, but there’s nothing there. I mean nothing; it’s in the middle of an ocean.”

Jane quietly interjected, stroking Ashley’s back, “Doesn’t mean nothing though; remember the Leviathans?”

Tali nodded. “I had the same thought. And I think it’s a good place to start. The problem of course,” she sighed, “is that getting to the middle of an ocean and setting up lab is neither easy nor cheap.”

Jane smiled. “Luckily we know someone who specializes in the difficult and expensive.” The two looked at her curiously. “A certain Dr. Liara T'Soni is, not by coincidence, in residence on the Citadel as we speak. And eager to see us.” The three sat in comfortable silence for a moment. Despite the mask covering Tali’s features, Jane knew her friend well enough by know to read her thoughts. The quarian finally nodded in resignation. “Then I guess I’m coming with you.”

Although she was secretly relieved to hear this, Jane glanced at Kaidan cautiously. “You know I’d love to have you along- but Tali, this isn’t a pleasure cruise. I have no idea how long it could take or how dangerous it could be. And you have a life on Rannoch now…” Her friend held up a hand.

“Shepard, I owe you everything. My life. My planet. Whatever you need, I’m yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened to while writing: "Disparate Youth", Santigold.
> 
> If you're enjoying this check out my other fic in progress, "Little Lady".


	3. The Shadow Broker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arrival on the Citadel.

The Citadel spun it's orbit with a deceptive quietness. Viewing it from a ship's portal, One would never guess the sheer amount of activity taking place on its glittering surface. Now with reconstruction well underway it buzzed more than ever. Habitations were constructed, new arrivals processed, merchants and traders struck deals. One such trader specialized in information above all else. Liara watched the security footage on the secure console embedded in her gleaming white desk.  


Today, though, what she saw wasn't for profit or scandal. Instead, a quiet smile crept across her smooth blue features as she watched the feed of Jane Shepard and her small retinue arrive at dock 138. The woman wore dark, neatly cut civilian clothing; it was carefully pressed however - some habits of military life die hard. Shortly behind her came Kaidan Alenko, in his working uniform, and Tali in her old environmental suit. After a moment of conversation between the human couple Jane nodded and turned behind her to beckon a short woman with dark grey in hair pushing a compact stroller, a full dark head of hair peeping out from under thermal blankets- Alenko’ s mother and daughter, respectively.  


Liara tapped a few commands on the screen to switch cameras. The group walked unhurriedly down the wide halls, apparently giving Tali an informal tour of the new construction. The quarian must have said something amusing in reply because the other three were soon laughing.  
By the time they reached Liara's apartment the Shadow Broker herself was opening her door with arms wide and a steaming pot of tea waiting on the table .  


It occurred to Kaidan that he was surrounded by a fierce tribe of women. Jane surveyed Liara’s console, hands on hips, all business. Tali and Liara, two of the most remarkable people he'd met, chatted while Ashley- already so strong and independent - squatted between them eating dehydrated vegetables Jane had brought from Earth. Even his mother, comparably quiet and maternal, radiated a serene strength.  


His musings were interrupted by his partner tapping him on the shoulder. “Look at this, Kaidan. Liara already has a few scientists she trusts enough to recruit.”  


He took the datapad and glanced over it. Plenty of Salarians, no surprise there. “Why does this Turian look so familiar? “ He frowned. “Or is that racist?”  


Jane laughed. “ No, we've actually met her. She was at that thing of Garrus’ last year.”  


“Oh yeah, the thing,” he replied cheekily.  


She smiled distractedly. “It says Dr. Lessa Gakaris specializes in xenobiology. Not exactly the first need that comes to mind, but could be handy.” Jane swiped her hand to pivot the infographic on its side. “And she’s ex-military of course… Christ, I should just staff the whole ship with Turians.”  


“First you need a ship to staff,” he reminded her gently. She finally tore her eyes from the display to look at him with concern.  


“Believe me, I’m working on it.” Distracted by Ashley’s attempts to stand up, a warm smile crossed her face and she joined the other women on the floor around the toddler. Kaidan had the uncomfortable feeling she was withholding more information from him but decided not to push it until they were resettled in their Citadel apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions for Salarian and quarian names??
> 
> Listened while writing: Cliff Martinez, "Can I Sit Next To You" [from Solaris]


	4. Gathering the Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crew is vetted.

The group sat around the large white conference table in one of Liara’s offices while Ashley napped back at the apartment. Jane and Kaidan checked one last message from his mother and, satisfied their daughter was content, leaned forward in their chairs to give their host full attention. “Well, let’s get down to business,” Liara said in that deceptively soft voice of hers. “Tali’s already got us up to speed on what little information we do have.”

“When we touch down on Haestrom I suggest we land at my old research site first and salvage anything we can,” the quarian added.

Liara nodded. “Shepard is still working on securing us transportation. I’m handling personnel but nevertheless I'd like your final approval.”

“I trust your instincts Liara,” the Admiral interjected. 

The other woman looked subtly pleased but replied, “Nevertheless, this will be your crew. And goddess knows what we’ll find out there- we’ll want a totally cohesive team.”

“Let’s not forget that this could all turn out to be nothing,” Kaidan added hopefully. 

Jane shook her head. “It could. I'd hope so. But-” She shook our head and gave him a private look he recognized as _let's talk about this later_ then turned her attention back to Liara. “So what have you got for us?”

The asari open the holodisplay and the small group was immediately met with a familiar face. “As per your request, I did not inform the old Normandy crew.” Kaidan looked at Jane curiously. 

She shrugged. “They’ve done enough for me. They’re settled into lives of their own now…. It just didn’t seem right.”

“Garrus already reached out, though. He says his duties won’t permit him more than a few rendezvous but he’s ‘with you all the way’- his words. I'm still not sure how he heard about our little excursion.” If Jane noticed Tali was unusually quiet she didn’t say anything.

The display flicked to a surprised-looking salarian. “Dr. Oshari has been very enthusiastic about participating.” She paused and stared at the image for a moment in thought. 

“But?” Jane prompted; her friend just shook her head. 

“I’m not sure. He’s perfect on paper, I just- I don’t know. What’s the word I’m looking for?” Another pause. “A wimp. He’s spent his career in the lab and he might not be up for the challenges of the field. But he is a theoretical physicist specializing in mass effect fields and dark matter…”

“He might surprise us. I say we take him,” replied Jane.

The other woman nodded and flicked to a stern-looking, slightly built turian woman. “Dr. Gakaris you’ve already given me your approval for.” Another image. “Milos Venx, another physicist, but also a formal delegate from the volus government. He’s made a career of studying the effects of element zero.” 

“Pass,” said Jane with a wave of her hand. “I don’t have the patience to play nice with government lackeys.” 

“This one’s interesting. Kyllin has shown interest in coming as our security detail. He’s got a solid track record of securing unexplored areas and by all accounts he’s loyal and fair.“ 

“A batarian?” Kaidan asked in surprise. 

“I’m curious too, but I’ve looked into him thoroughly and he’s as clean as you can be as a gun for hire. Not a slaver or a backstabber and highly effective. My instincts say to go with him.” Jane nodded her approval.

They spent a few more hours hammering out the a skeleton crew, mostly engineers and navigation. The result was a carefully vetted, experienced group of former Alliance, merchant mariners, and even a few Cerberus employees who'd defected before the Reaper invasion.

“Without knowing our exact needs or even our ship’s capacity yet, I say we start with a small crew and build as we go,” Liara concluded. She flicked off the display and rubbed her temples. 

Jane concurred; “Let’s get back to the apartment for some dinner and we can discuss transportation.” 

The asari smiled. “As long as Kaidan’s cooking and not you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened while writing: Hans Zimmer, "Day One" [Interstellar]
> 
> On a side note, "Little Lady" is coming to an end soon which makes me sad.


	5. We Have a Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane makes a confession.

After their guests had left, the small family sat around the apartment living room in contemplative silence. The dwelling was decorated in clean and simple lines; they had never had much time to really personalize it, but it still held a comfortable warmth that reminded them of Anderson's old apartment on the Citadel. Ashley sat in her mother's lap, pointing a chubby hand out to the neon lights visible outside the picture windows. There were significantly less than there were before the rebuilding, something Kaidan was secretly grateful for as it had reduced his migraines significantly.  
Jane kissed her daughter on the top of her head.  


"So are you going to tell me?" Kaidan finally asked. She frowned and toyed with Ashley's dark hair for a moment.  


"I actually do have a ship." A pause. He raised an eyebrow. "I just didn't think you'd be too happy about the source." A pang of apprehension struck him but he tried not to let it show.  


"I'm listening."  


She leaned back on the couch and looked at him. She was suddenly struck by how much she'd been dreading the inevitable disappointment that would cross his face. After all they'd been through, she wanted so badly to make him happy.  


"Miranda Lawson has offered her services. She has the perfect vessel- it's a repurposed Corsair ship; small, fast and discrete."  


He hemmed unhappily. Kaidan had never trusted the former Cerberus employee and the woman's role in Shepard's life had long since been a sore subject, one they tried to avoid.  


Jane continued, "She has the finances and the resources at her disposal. And she's trustworthy Kaidan, I promise you." He shook his head.

"That woman has done-"

"Kaidan, please," she pleaded. "I can't get into this whole- she might be our only chance."

"There are so many people who would be happy to help you," he protested. 

She nodded in agreement, but countered,"There are also a lot of people who'd love the chance to harm us, to sabotage our mission. I don't need to tell you that not everyone loves what we've done. We need to keep this as quiet as possible."

He got up and marched to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water. She recognized his stalling tactic as he mulled the situation over, they tried to never let their tempers get too hot on the rare occasions they did fight. Finally he spoke up again. "I guess I didn't realize how much you'd actually planned this out. I'm feeling a little out of the loop."

" I know, " she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"So why'd you do it?"

Jane sighed. " I didn't want to worry you. Didn't think you'd approve. Thought you'd try to stop me, or do it yourself... God, Kaidan, there's a million reasons."

A flash of sympathy crossed his face but was quickly replaced by another hard look. "What about Ashley? This is sounding less and less like this is something she can't join us on."

She pursed her lips and squeezed her daughter a little tighter, causing the toddler to complain and wriggle out of her arms onto the thick carpet. Kaidan walked over to scoop up their daughter. "I don't have a perfect solution," she admitted. "The best I can do is that she can join us once everything is secured and we're sure it's safe. You know your mother can stay here with her..."

Kaidan rubbed his face with his free hand. "Honestly babe, it's too late and I'm too tired to think about this." He walked Ashley down the hall to the bedroom. She stared after them for a minute, wondering how long his anger would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that it's relevant to the story *at all* but I picture the new apartment being a bit like a smaller, cozier version of the old one, a bit like this http://setsdesignideas.com/modern-apartment-design.html
> 
> ...the Vancouver house is similar to this in my mind http://img.izismile.com/img/img5/20120918/640/fabulous_waterfront_house_in_west_vancouver_640_02.jpg
> 
>    
> Listened to while writing: M83, "Starwaves"


	6. But We Need a Pilot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda's ready to roll out.

The next day Jane woke to an empty bed; everyone else was already up and in the kitchen with his mother and Ashley. "Grandma Karen," the older woman was prompting while Kaidan scrambled eggs on the stove.  


"Gamma Kamma!" the toddler exclaimed from her lap, making the adults laugh. Jane leaned against the doorway, taking in the scene with a welling of love and sadness in her heart. The closer her mission came to fruition, the harder the reality of leaving their domestic bliss behind was hitting her.  


"Good morning," she greeted them as she entered the kitchen and kissed Ashley on the head. She grabbed an empty coffee cup and, after a moment's hesitation, wrapped her arms around Kaidan from behind. After a brief pause he grabbed her arm and squeezed it. Turning around, he kissed her briefly before returning his attention to breakfast. They still had a lot to work through, but neither had any doubt they would get through this as a couple.  


As Jane sipped her coffee and discussed Ashley's schedule with the others, an electronic chime alerted her to the buzzer. They had opted for additional security over size for their home and it was unusual to have visitors. Curious, she flicked on the security display and saw none other than Miranda Lawson herself standing at the building's entrance, arms crossed and tapping her foot impatiently. 

As soon as Jane opened the apartment door she had a flash of embarrassment. Miranda looked impeccable as always; she wore a sleek black business suit and her hair was cut in a sharp, chin-length bob Jane was dimly aware was fashionable at the moment. She suddenly felt very frumpy in her bathrobe, messy hair and post-motherhood body. The moment quickly passed, however, when her friend gave her a soft smile.

"It's good to see you, Shepard."

Jane grinned back and hugged her. "You too, Miranda. You look amazing." She led the other woman into the open kitchen where Miranda hesitated on seeing the others. Kaidan didn't smile but did offer her a cup of coffee. "I wasn't expecting you so soon," Jane added.

Miranda took the proferred caffeine and sat at the counter, greeting the others somewhat formally. Jane was struck by how much more relaxed, more human her friend seemed these days; it was like the years of Cerberus indoctrination were finally melting away. "I hope you don't mind. I've been up for hours haggling with with some of the engineers." She stared at Ashley, who she'd only seen as a newborn. "She's gotten so big."

Kaidan finally spoke up- Miranda knew his soft spot. "She's big for her age," he said begrudgingly. 

"Anyway, the final design is completed, but living quarters will still be pretty tight- it wasn't made for a large crew." She sipped her coffee thoughtfully. "And we'll have to share a bathroom." 

Jane pursed her lips. Maybe she'd gotten soft in the last few years but she was fond of her luxurious bathroom and deep tub. She was certain Miranda wasn't the type to relish sharing a toilet with a batarian either. "I guess we can't have everything."

"I've also reached out to Jacob for his recommendation on a Corsair pilot, but most of them are either dead or out of touch." She shook her head and sighed. "So now we have everything but a good pilot."

"What about Jeff?" Karen interjected. The three looked in surprise at her. She shrugged. "I'm no expert but if he's a good pilot and you trust him, what's the hesitation?"

"Things are... complicated with Joker," said Jane slowly. 

Kaidan and Miranda exchanged a glance; accepting they may be on the same side of this issue, he slipped a few plates of eggs onto the counter. "It might be time to see him again, babe."

Miranda nodded. "Mr. Moreau would be an excellent choice." 

Jane stared at her mug thoughtfully for a minute. "Fine... call Joker."


	7. No Convincing Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joker's recruited.

Admiral Shepard leaned against the railing of the cafe, looking out over the wide pools that decorated the center of the long curving arm of the space station. It suddenly occurred to her there were no longer fountains in the center of them. Presumably it was a low priority when it came to rebuilding; still, the change disturbed her for reasons she couldn't quite pinpoint; she used to be incredibly observant of her surroundings and downright awed by the Citadel when she’d first seen it. Once again she wore simple civilian clothes and her hair down in curls; almost no one recognized her out of uniform. After a lengthy debate they’d decided Kaidan should stay home and Jane would talk to Joker alone; now, having arrived ridiculously early, she took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

“Shepard?” She turned around and was met with a surprising sight. Joker stood behind her, looking uncertain, and frankly awful. His hair and beard were grown out beyond regs and his trademark hat was missing. Physically he looked the same- on the lean side with a slight stoop due to a genetic disease- although she noticed dark circles under his eyes and new wrinkles. The war had aged them all, but he looked significantly worse for wear. 

“Joker…” she faced him, unsure whether to give into her impulse to hug him. He gave a tight smile.

“You look different.”

She cautiously returned the smile. “So do you.”

He sighed and took a seat at her table. “Yeah, I look like shit, I know.” She joined him and offered him a pour from the wine carafe; he wordlessly accepted. They both sipped in silence, taking each other’s appearances in. “You look good,” he finally added. “Married life must be suiting you.”

“Thanks. Although I’m still not actually married,” she added somewhat uncomfortably. “You… don’t look like an Alliance pilot.” 

He shook his head. “Nope, been laying low working for Hackett.” Admiral Hackett had been serving as Earth’s interim representative on the Council- after Jane had turned it down. Jane had trouble picturing a close relationship between the straight-laced older man and the flippant pilot; Joker, though, seemed remarkably subdued.

“So I heard.” She set down her glass and launched into her prepared speech. “I’ll get right to the point. This isn’t Alliance or Council but we have their support. It’s my own private ship and we’re on a fact-finding mission.” His face remained impassive so she continued. “I’m headed to Haestrom to look into what the quarians found. After that, I can’t say where. I’ve got a ship and a crew but I need a pilot.” He stared at the table. “I know things are different between us, Jeff, but this is bigger than us. And there’s no one I’d rather have,” she added.

After a moment he finally nodded. “I’ll be there.”

The Admiral had armed herself with a dozen convincing arguments and rebuttals; his quick agreement took her completely off guard. “You will?”

He nodded again, downed the last sip of his drink, and stood to leave. “I’ll pack my seabag. See you in dock.”

She watched him go, disturbed by his spiritless acceptance. After a moment she flicked open her omnitool and sent a message to her friends. “Joker’s in. Let’s get ready to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one today. Longer ones to come. Have narrowed down the name of the ship but am open to suggestions!


	8. The Ursula

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew departs.

The night before they left, Jane had approximately one million logistical tasks to complete and was ignoring them all in favor of watching Ashley sleep. The toddler laid in bed, mouth open, her round belly rising and falling with deep breaths. She couldn't resist the impulse to kiss her daughter and had to rock her back to sleep after waking her. In the morning they would say goodbye and leave her with Kaidan’s mother until they were sure it would be safe for her to join them. She heard Kaidan walk quietly behind her as she stood by the crib, arms, crossed, barely holding herself together.

"I can’t believe I’m even considering leaving her," she said, wiping away a tear. Since becoming a mother she’d found herself crying more than she ever had before and blamed it completely on hormones. He wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Kaidan, am I a bad mom?"

"You're not a bad mom," he said softly. "Would you rather she spent her childhood hopping from ship to ship like you did? “ She shifted. “She is so lucky to have both her parents around. And someday she’ll understand you’re doing this because you have to. For everyone, but most of all for her.”

“Am I though? What if this is all pointless? What if I’m blowing this whole thing up in my head because… I don’t know, I need a mission to function or something…” 

He squeezed her tighter in response. “Hey, hey. I know I haven’t been too enthusiastic about this whole thing but… honestly babe, I’m just scared. We worked so hard to get where we are.” He sighed. “We didn’t see the Reapers coming, we weren't prepared for the Collectors…" He paused, and she sensed he was choosing his words carefully. "My biggest regret is that I didn't listen to you on Horizon. I trust your instincts. I should always have. if you think this is a threat, I’m with you all the way.” She twisted around to kiss him softly, then looked up into his dark eyes. 

“Good, behind there’s no way in hell I’m leaving you behind.”

***

Morning dawned on the Citadel; at least for the quadrant whose lighting followed a 24-hour schedule. Jane waited nervously in her private docking bay- another perk she’d been offered after the war and one of the few she’d accepted. She flexed slightly, feeling her new lightweight armor stretch; it wasn’t necessary to wear it on board but she wanted to make a positive impression on the crew; she’d debated her appearance early that morning and had settled on something civilian but uniform, her hair pulled into a tight bun at the base of her skull. To her dismay the bun made her look like her mother.

The loading area had wall to wall windows that looked out onto the ship. The _Ursula_ was a smallish, plain vessel- ugly, even- compared to the Normandy. Built for speed and stealth, it was painted dark and vaguely bullet-shaped, its load lines and identifying marks subtle and faint. It sat quietly, only a few crew members on board to assist with loading. She’d familiarized herself with it but knew it would take years to learn its quirks and personality. So far it had proven satisfactory, if slightly utilitarian. At the crew’s request Miranda had ordered several upgrades to make it more comfortable and homey; although they would be making refueling trips, there was no telling how long the Ursula would be their home.

She breathed in meditatively, watching the stars pinpoint the dark beyond the light of the Citadel. She always felt home in deep space, having grown up on Alliance ships; she wouldn’t want an itinerant military life for her own daughter, but she sometimes found herself yearning to wander after too long in one place.

A soft beep and the near-silent hiss of the door opening broke her reverie; turning around, she was surprised to see her first arrival. 

“You’re early,” she stated. 

Joker nodded. “Permission to board?” 

“Of course,” she faltered. Without further conversation he entered the walkway, Alliance bag thrown over his shoulder. 

As Jane watched him go the ex-military members of the crew arrived 15 minutes early. Jane smiled; old habits really did die hard. Among them was Dr. Gakaris, more petite than she’d expected. The turian woman was polite but not particularly effusive, saluting her. “Admiral Shepard, thank you for this opportunity.”

“Welcome aboard, Dr. Gakaris”. Jane noticed she had brought additional lab equipment as well as what looked suspiciously like a rifle case. Kyllin was also present but the batarian was more preoccupied with having his weapons properly loaded than socializing. _Fun crew,_ she thought to herself grimly, suddenly longing for the days of shore leave with her tight-knit Normandy crew. After brief formalities they boarded and prepared to launch.

Finally her civilians and scientists arrived in the lobby; Jane hoped they weren’t too disappointed by the unremarkable-looking ship. “Admiral Shepard, it’s an honor”. Dr. Oshari shook her hand enthusiastically. He looked at her with the salarian equivalent of a grin, one that she couldn't help but return. “This is my assistant Arn. Just Arn.” The other alien attempted a greeting from underneath a precarious armful of cases.

“Welcome to the Ursula, doctors.” She reached out to grab a case but they both stopped her, insisting it would be beneath her.

Finally, her core crew: Tali, Liara, and Kaidan. Miranda was set to rendezvous with the Ursula after she finished negotiating supply runs. “She’s still asleep,” Kaidan informed Jane before she could even ask. He reached out for her omnitool and tapped in a code, then flicked open the private channel. 

Jane laughed. “The baby monitor?” 

He smiled. “I synced it with our omnis. We can tap into it- delayed of course once we’re out of the system- and check on Ashley any time.” She looked at him gratefully. “I know. I love you too.”

The four friends stood in front of the windows and looked out on the Ursula, its engines flaring slightly blue as the engineers prepared to launch. They were ready to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listened while writing: Hans Zimmer, "Mountains" [Interstellar]


	9. Getting To Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew settles in.

Once aboard, the crew was all business. The Ursula was arranged in a traditional human style, and Jane took the captain’s seat on the bridge, surveying the passing stars as they left the system at a leisurely speed. She watched Joker make various adjustments to his interface; he would have learned to fly on similar vessels during his first years as an Alliance pilot. “How’s she feel, Joker?”

He nodded, not taking his eyes off the screen. “Pretty good, actually- she looks like a tug but flies smoother than you’d expect. You said Miranda was in charge of upgrading this thing?” Jane nodded and was pleased to see her friend smile for the first time. “Then I’m guessing she’s got more power under the hood too.”

“Interface,” Jane ordered, “Display coordinates for the Apien Crest.” The ship’s VI flashed the blue-hued map over the nav screens. “We need a better name than ‘Interface’,” Jane mused. Joker shrugged noncommittally. She flicked a button at the captain’s console and addressed her crew, her voice ringing out from the audio system on the small ship: “Welcome to the Ursula, everyone. I’m happy you’ve decided to join me on this mission.” She paused, considering her words. “As you know, this is first and foremost a fact-finding mission. However, any mission has its own inherent dangers. We don’t know what we’re going to find and we don't know how long it will take. “ Kaidan quietly entered the bridge and leaned against the bulkhead while she finished her speech. “You’re here because you’re the best of the best, and I have faith in you. But if you have any needs or concerns, my door is always open.” She shrugged at him before finishing, “Our next stop will be Palaven to pick up our supply barge. We’ll be there for 24 hours and if you’re not on watch rotation you’ll have shore leave. Shepard out.”

Kaidan walked over and squeezed her shoulder. “How was that?” she asked with a furrowed brow. 

“Not bad,” he replied. “Of course, you’re Admiral Shepard. You could tell them we’re going to rescue a kitten from a tree and they’d still be pumped.” She tapped her fingers on the armrest and opened the channel again.

“One last thing- we’ll be having a morale contest to rename our VI by the time we reach Haestrom. First prize is a bottle of … whatever your species drinks.” She was fairly certain she heard a cheer come from navigation.

*** 

Jane was walking a rotation of the ship prior to their arrival on Palaven. The grey plastic and metal interiors were nothing new, and the vessel was on the smaller side, so it wasn’t long before she’d passed through navigation and planning to the lower decks where engineering and the arsenal were located. There she was unsurprised to find Kyllin reorganizing the armory. “Everything to your liking?” she asked the batarian as she approached. 

He didn’t pause, replying in a gruff voice as he stacked a crate of ammo, “I’ll need a cot down here.”

“You have a bunk in the crew quarters,” she countered with some concern. 

He shoved the crate into place and looked at her for the first time, blinking his shiny black eyes. “I’m the MAA, and I’m in charge of everything you see here. I sleep by it. Guard it. Dream about it.” Jane blinked in surprise. _Did I just hear a batarian make a joke?_ “It’s in my contract," he continued. " You don’t mess with my system and I’ll get the job done.”

Although she bristled slightly at his informal attitude, she nodded. “I’ll have requisitions send one down.” Apparently that was the end of his conversation as he started hefting crates again. After a moment she walked off toward engineering. 

***

After standard pleasantries with the engineering crew she finally found herself on the top deck, which had clearly been retrofitted with the white shiny plastic of a laboratory. It was a stark contrast from the loud whine of the engine rooms and she’d requested the officer’s quarters be placed there. In the lab she heard the resident doctors arguing in raised voices. Concerned, she opened the door to find Dr. Gakaris and Dr. Oshari on opposite sides of a couch, debating heatedly. Arn stood in the corner, twisting his fingers in distress.

“Unacceptable. Designated lounge equipment should stay in the lounge,” Oshari was demanding. Gakaris threw her hands up in frustration. “Say that next time you’re stuck in the lab for 12 hours. I need. A place. To rest.” 

Jane stepped up.“What’s going on here?” 

The turian turned to her, exasperated. “Admiral, I apologize. Dr. Oshari seems to think I need a chit to move furniture around on this ship.”

“Nonsense,” countered the salarian. “I’m merely concerned about the potential contamination to non-standard furniture in the lab. Everything else here is rated for hygienic purposes, which doesn’t seem to concern him-”

“I’m female!” Gakaris protested, reaching the peak of her frustration.

Jane raised her hands. “Okay, everyone calm down. Dr. Oshari, would it make you more comfortable if we requisitioned a cover for the couch that could be sterilized?” He thought for a moment. 

“Yes, that would be acceptable. I don’t wish Dr. Gakaris to be uncomfortable, I was merely concerned-” Jane interrupted. 

“Gakaris, that fly with you?” 

“Of course Admiral,” the scientist replied, already shoving the couch back into place in the corner. Turians could be hard to read but Jane swore she saw a smirk cross her face. 

Once outside, she rubbed her face. A day into their mission and the crew was already fighting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never been on a bridge before, the layout is pretty much like this: http://www.naval-technology.com/projects/gowind_corvettes/images/6-gowind-corvettes.jpg


	10. To Absent Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew stops at Palaven.

The Goto, the Ursula’s planetside shuttle, glided smoothly into the reserved docking bay at New Cipritine. From the air one could clearly see the division between the gleaming city center and the outlying rubble and tenements. The transit center was organized and clean, one of the newer rebuilds since the war. When the doors to the arrivals section hissed open, Jane and her small retinue were surprised to be greeted by a formal turian delegation.

“Garrus!” she cried happily, moving forward to grab her friend’s hands. Primarch Garrus Vakarian, Council Spectre, Archangel of Omega, and crack shot stood at the head of the small formation, looking uncomfortable in his formal costume but happy to see his old friends. To her surprise he was flanked by her former krogan shipmates Urdnots Wrex and Eve, respectively.

“Admiral Shepard, I’m here to formally welcome you to New Cipritine.” Leaning forward he murmured in her ear, “Sorry about all the pomp and circumstance. It was either this or a parade.”

Jane laughed. “Don’t worry about it. Wrex, Eve, what are you doing here?” 

They exchanged gruff greetings and Wrex replied, “Using a delegation as an excuse to visit.” 

“You two talk?” She asked in surprise, glancing between Garrus and the krogans. 

“Sure, don’t you?” Wrex said defensively before Eve broke in with something more diplomatic.

After the turian had greeted each of her command in turn- he leaned forward to say something in a low tone to Tali that made her pause, then nod- he clapped his hands together. “Let’s get out of here.”

They approached Garrus’ compound on foot, a government security team escorting them the short distance through the plazas and gardens. There appeared to be no need, however, as the majority of citizens that noticed them either saluted respectfully or called out salutations. It was a pleasant walk through the federal sector, which - though not nearly as grand as the old capital had been- gleamed silver and white, with elegant buildings twisting upward around the forums. Workers had already begun installing decorative fountains in the centers of the public areas, something Jane commented on. 

Garrus, however, waved it off. “Once you get past the facades, it’s still pretty rough out there. You ask me, we should have just started fresh, not tried to rebuild over the old parts.” He sighed. “My people are nothing if not determined though.”

Jane smirked at him as they climbed the wide stairs to the entrance. “Some might use the word stubborn.”

“Stubborn? Me?” He looked sideways at her, avian eye gleaming. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

***

That evening was spent in relaxation as the Ursula’s crew stayed in the Primarch’s compound; others had wandered down the road to a cafe that served food compatible with human digestion. Jane and Kaidan sat in one of the pristine white lounges, her legs draped over him on a sofa as they watched a message from Kaidan’s mother. Karen and Ashley waved at the camera, and a few clips from the day- they had explored the new Citadel gardens and Ashley had taken a liking to a turian groundskeeper. Setting down the tablet, Kaidan wrapped his arms around Jane and kissed her on the forehead. She leaned against his chest and they watched the sun set through the large curving windows.

“How long do you think it would take Ashley to destroy this room?” Kaidan joked. She smiled into his chest.

“Because everything’s white or because of all the breakable stuff?”

Garrus and Tali entered, drinks in hand, both looking suspiciously happy. They were followed shortly by Wrex and Eve. “You know, after a day like today, I’m thinking more and more I should just quit and join your crew,” Garrus announced.

Kaidan laughed. “Not sure I’d like the turian government pissed at me, but you’re welcome to join.”

“Let ‘em try and stop you!” Wrex exclaimed gruffly, gesturing widely enough to spill his drink. 

Eve looked at him sideways, amusement and irritation in her eyes. “Says the man who has his own government to run,” she murmured in a low voice.

Jane rolled her eyes and stood up to pour herself and Kaidan their own drinks from the service table. “Listen to your wife, Wrex.”

The krogan laughed harshly. “Kaidan doesn’t listen to his.” 

“She's not technically my wife,” Kaidan corrected gently. Jane focused on pouring but heard Wrex breezily reply, “What’s the difference? You humans are confusing.”

“Why aren’t you two married yet, anyway? Ow,” Garrus asked from his seat on a sofa as Tali nudged him hard.

“Who has the time?” Jane joked as she sat down with drinks to head off uncomfortable conversation. She raised her glass in a toast, the others soon following. “To absent friends,” she proposed.

“And new adventures,” Tali piped in. They drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music while writing: "Rey's Theme" [John Williams]


	11. Leaving Palaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last of the crew joins up and we get on our way.

“I don’t need to tell you this is of utmost importance,” Jane intoned seriously into the comm system. The crew stood at attention as she spoke. She cleared her throat and, tapping a button on her omni, began to read: “Now for the final entries to our VI naming contest. Navigation submitted a team entry: OOS, Onboard Operations System. Pronounced Ooze? From engineering, we have ‘Putey the Friendly Computer’- good lord, I’m going to have to veto that one. Joker says: 'I like Interface, let’s keep it.' Interesting but not really a contest entry.” 

She rubbed her forehead. These were all terrible. “Dr. Gakaris suggested TEX; the acronym doesn’t really translate from turian but it basically stands for a virtual assistant.” A last-second entry popped up. “Kyllin proposes… ‘Yora’?” she shrugged. “Uh, according to a ping he just sent me, it’s his favorite food.” She was surprised he’d even participated. “Kaidan wants us to call it ‘Emily Carr’- two names, really?” He shrugged.

“Lastly, our resident salarians would like us to call it... Blasto.” She exhaled. “Send your votes in now.” She tapped her fingers on her armrest- a habit she’d quickly formed since adjusting to the new layout- and waited for the messages to come in.

***

“TEX, interface with the supply barge and enter our destination coordinates.” Miranda Lawson sat at the conference table in Planning; limited space had forced her to abandon plans for a private office and work out of the common area. She’d joined the Ursula in it’s last hours on Palaven to prepare their supply deliveries and was eager to be underway.

She checked the time, tucked her tablet under her arm and headed to the orbital station’s airlock to meet the medic they’d contracted for the journey. Dr. Nolan Harris was waiting in the departures lounge, pacing nervously. When Miranda approached him she was unconsciously struck by how young he looked- an American recruit from a private hospital on earth, Harris was experienced for his youth. Now the tall, blonde man fiddled anxiously with his bags as he awaited his departure into the unknown.

“Dr. Harris, I’m Miranda Lawson. Welcome to the Ursula.” She extended her hand and it was pumped so enthusiastically she had to smile.

“Thank you Ms. Lawson. I’m very excited to be here.” He threw his bag over his shoulder and looked over her shoulder. “Is Admiral Shepard here?”

Miranda suppressed another smile; she recognized hero worship when she saw it. “She’s preparing for departure. I’ll show you around.”

The Ursula was leaving the system as Miranda showed the doctor around the vessel. He appeared positively giddy- she knew from his records it was his first time in space. His xenobiology credentials and enthusiasm had swayed her in the end but his greenness still gave her pause. As they passed engineering, a crewman exited the room and leaned against the wall, coughing wetly. 

“You look unwell, shipmate,” Miranda said with a frown. The engineer nodded, slightly intimidated by her. Dr. Harris, suddenly all business, whipped out a penlight And examined his pupils.

“I’ll go to medical,” the crewman replied timidly, stifling another cough. 

The doctor nodded reassuringly. “I’ll come with you. It’s probably just a bug you brought along for the ride.” Miranda watched him lead the other man off, pleased to see him in his element.


	12. Haestrom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally arrive and get to work.

The Ursula hovered silently over Haestrom’s atmosphere. The dull brownish planet appeared quiet and unremarkable.  
“Activity here’s been pretty minimal since the Reapers,” Tali was explaining to the command staff as the first wave prepared to board the Goto. “There’s still some decent infrastructure the geth left behind, plus the old quarian colonies aren’t in too bad of shape… I imagine someday we’ll want to reclaim it.” She looked out at the brightly illuminated orb, apparently deep in thought. “I haven’t been back since the geth-” she didn’t finish. Jane, adjusting the wrist straps on her outer envirosuit, glanced up at her friend. Jane had only told a few people what had really happened the day they defeated the Reapers. Tali checked the chart on her wrist display for the millionth time. “Looks like we’re right where we want to be over the ocean.”

“As soon as we secure the Mara we can begin to set up a basic research station.” Jane flexed her fingers, satisfied the gloves had sealed to a comfortable fit. It had been Miranda’s idea to commandeer a large derelict quarian vessel still adrift in the planet’s brown waters.

Kyllin loaded his assault rifle and eyed her. “How seaworthy is this piece of junk?”

Miranda glanced at him, not accustomed to having her plans questioned. Scowling, she replied, “There’s nothing wrong with the vessel itself. It’s in decent shape and was abandoned due to the geth, not due to any problems with the ship itself.” Kyllin shrugged.

The Goto glided through the atmosphere to the planet’s surface; peering out the windows, the crew wasn’t afforded much of a view. They were still within eyesight of land, the abandoned colony a mere blip on the horizon. The rest of what they could see were gently rolling waves, now tinged with orange in the slowly setting sun. The vessel itself bobbed along, upright; it was a standard quarian shipping carrier, a bulky grey vessel with cargo crates strapped to the deck.

“Looks okay to land,” Kaidan proclaimed from the pilot’s seat as he guided the Goto slowly to the deck. The doors hissed open and the crew stepped out reluctantly, feeling the intensity of the sun even in the evening, the slow undulation of the waves beneath them.

“Welcome to your new home,” Jane said.  
***  
The interior was in adequate condition - quarians built their ships to last- and the crew soon anchored and ferried enough equipment and goods down to establish a base camp on the upper levels as well as canopies on the deck to protect them from the intensity of the sun. The scientists wasted little time in bickering over the lab equipment; Arn was stuck taping up plastic sheeting to keep the salty air from the electronics.

Jane was on the deck, plugging her rechargeables into one of the solar generators they’d brought when Kyllin finally emerged from the lower decks, sighed and leaned against a railing. “Almost expected to find a stray geth down there,” he remarked in his gruff voice.

Jane smirked to herself. “Last time I was here there were enough to spare.”

“I heard.” She looked up in surprise. The merc was leaning back, arms crossed. “What? Even us batarians heard about the great Commander Shepard.”

“I didn’t think I was too popular with, uh, your kind.”

He cocked his head, blinking his multiple eyes at her. “Not all of us vicious slavers you know.” She began to protest but he waved a hand. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I can respect strength, that’s all.” 

Gakaris huffed out onto the deck, fluttering her mandibles. “If that damn salarian doesn’t quit moving my sat dishes around, I won’t be able to get a signal.”

“Want me to talk to him?” Kyllin pushed off the railing and walked to the bulkhead, not waiting for an answer.

Gakaris hesitated only a moment. “I’ll be honest, I’m sick of dealing with him- yes, please push him around a bit. That would be nice.”

“Kyllin…” Jane warned to his receding back.

“Don’t worry Admiral, I’ll be gentle.” He disappeared inside, and the two women exchanged a glance.

The turian shrugged. “That was… well, nice. Interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accompanying music: "Uncharted Worlds", Jack Wall


	13. Strange Readings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Progress planetside, trouble shipside.

The following morning Jane woke early, blinking a few times to familiarize herself with the sparse state room she’d commandeered as her own. Careful not to wake Kaidan, she crept to the porthole and observed the grey waters undulating gently. A few lights blinked in the distance, still running on automatic cycles since the departure of the geth. She heard Kaidan roll over on their sleeping pad and, smiling, snapped a quick photo with her omnitool.

“What’s that for?” He asked groggily, rubbing his eye.

“One of the rare times I’ve seen your hair looking bad. I’ll send it to Ashley for posterity.” He quickly smoothed it back and lifted the corner of his mouth in a tired smile when she kissed his cheek apologetically. “I don’t know about you but I anxious to see what our scientists were up to all night. Let’s grab some chow and pay them a visit.”

***  


The couple entered the lab balancing several trays of steaming food- Dr. Harris, with little to do for a healthy crew, had volunteered his cooking skills for the trip- and were amused to find all three researchers asleep in various uncomfortable positions in the makeshift lab. Jane cleared her throat, feeling guilty but anxious to get results. Oshari snapped his head up, crying out something about data, and shook his head before composing himself. Gakaris merely stretched and accepted the food gratefully. “Get it while it’s hot and… biocompatible,” Kaidan offered.

After giving them a few moments to revive, Jane couldn’t contain her curiosity any longer. “What have you got, doctors?”

Gakaris sighed. “Admiral, these things take time…” She took another bite. “This is supposed to be served cold, by the way.”

Oshari lit up one of the display screens on the lab table. “Interesting stuff. Initial results show that we have a massive power source somewhere in the vicinity- since it would be obvious if it was anywhere on land I’d guess we’re talking about some sort of underwater facility.”

“There are no marine creatures on Haestrom that have that sort of capability,” Gakaris added. “And the geth never habitually colonised marine environments.”

“That’s not all.” Oshari suddenly realized Arn was still asleep in the chair next to him and poked his assistant rudely until he awoke. “My untested hypothesis is that whatever is down there is harvesting the sun’s energy at an unprecedented rate. I’ve never seen anything quite capable of that efficiency, but I wouldn’t rule out the impossible.” 

Jane furrowed her brow. “Anything else?”

Gakaris pushed away her plate, having eaten hastily. “There’s not much to tell on my end. Biodiversity looks the same as it was before the geth- like I said, they mostly left this area alone. And the quarians never did anything like this as far as I know.”

“Admiral, incoming message from Joker,” a low electronic voice intoned from her omni.

“Put him through, TEX.”

The pilot’s voice came through, sounding slightly shaken. “Hey Shepard, we’ve got a situation up here.”

***

Jane sat in the makeshift command center- an old lounge with some extra tables and chairs- surrounded by her inner circle. Joker had taken the shuttle down from the Ursula to discuss the sensitive information.

“That’s three crewmembers who are suddenly sick- like, really sick.” He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “All human.”

Kaidan entered the room and shut the door behind himself. “Dr. Harris is on his way back to the Ursula now. What do we have?”

“They’re running fevers, spontaneous nosebleeds, delirium- it’s definitely not a common cold,” Miranda replied, looking over a tablet. “We may have to quarantine the ship. Keep whoever’s down here healthy.”

“What about the others on the Ursula?” Tali asked. The group was silent for a moment, internally debating. 

“I’ll go up and help Dr. Harris,” Miranda finally decided.

“Miranda…” Jane began, but her friend shook her head. 

“I'll be careful- anyway I tend to be a resistant to viruses thanks to my genetic engineering. Besides, you need someone up there you can trust, in case this is… intentional.”

“You think this is some sort of bio attack?” Jane raised an eyebrow, but Miranda simply shrugged.

“It won’t hurt to be careful. Joker, are you feeling any symptoms?”

He looked slightly offended. “I wouldn’t put you guys at risk if I was.” He stood up to leave the room. “I’m going to need a drink, and soon.”


	14. Theories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miranda rejoins the Ursula; Joker hashes some things out.

If Miranda was experiencing any trepidation about boarding the Ursula, she kept it well hidden. She made her way to the medbay with a mask of cool professionalism, nodding at crew she passed; business appeared to be running as usual.

The doors to the windowless room hissed open and she was surprised at the quietness within; she’d imagined writhing, moaning patients… and was met instead with the quiet hum of the ship and plastic sheeting forming a makeshift quarantine barrier. She pushed her way through the slit inside.

Dr. Harris looked up from his desk in surprise. “Ms. Lawson, good of you to join us.”

She peered around one of the partitions and recognized the crewman as the man who’d been ill when they left Palaven. He was sleeping with an IV in his arm, looking pale and flushed. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”

He stood up and showed her the chart he’d been examining. “Honestly, I’ve been treating it like a really nasty virus. It’s not fatal but it seems to be progressing rapidly.” He sighed. “I’m running some tests but the only effective thing I’ve done is quarantine the sick and sedate them so they’re comfortable.”

She nodded and looked over the chart. “I’ll help you with the tests if you want to focus on treatment. And I’ll set up extra measures for the rest of the ship. Are you feeling all right yourself, Dr. Harris?”

He gave a tired smile. “So far I’m fine. And please just call me Harris- everyone did in med school and it kind of stuck.”

She returned the smile. As young and inexperienced as she’d judged him to be, he seemed to be handling the crisis well enough. “Only if you call me Miranda.”

***

Several hours later the command of the _Mara_ was gathered once more in the lounge, this time sprawling casually over the couches and chairs. They were talking in low murmurs, positing their theories over the day’s revelations. “Underwater, mysterious, powerful... it could be our old friends the Leviathans. We’re all thinking it.” Liara daintily sipped through a straw.

In response, Joker took a pull from a bottle of rather nice whiskey Jane was sure she’d hidden. “Nope, it’s definitely a Reaper relic. Or something... Reaper-y. Like the Collectors.”

Jane mulled this over, reaching for the bottle. “That’s actually not a bad theory. The Collectors weren’t too far off in their technology.”

“We’ll never know though because you blew them up, remember?” Tali pointed out. 

Kaidan shifted slightly; memories of his absence during that time were never comfortable for the couple. “This ship’s fitted with a few submersibles. I say we have our engineers take a look to see if they’re still usable and go take a look for ourselves.” He took the whiskey Jane was offering him. “Believe me, I’ll be the first in line.”

She smiled warmly at her partner. “Aw. That’s why I love you.”

Joker rolled his eyes and made a sound of mild disgust. “Would you two just get married already?”

The two laughed uncomfortably. “I’ve asked,” Kaidan said before pulling another sip. 

Jane could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading comfortably through her. Tongue loosened, she quipped, “Well it wasn’t a very romantic proposal. I was throwing up from morning sickness.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Tali slurred slightly.

Sparing Kaidan from explaining their love life, Jane continued, “I didn't grow up with a wonderful model of marriage. And I just... don’t want to jinx anything, you know? Any time something in my life finally goes right, it all gets blown to hell.” She crossed her legs and settled more comfortably, adding, “The first time we got together I was blown up and shot into space, remember?”

“To be fair, that was kinda my fault,” Joker replied, stretching out on the couch.

Kaidan and Jane both looked at him with concern. “I’ve never blamed you for that Jeff,” Jane said.

“Uhh, your boyfriend did for a while.” She looked at Kaidan, who shrugged apologetically as the pilot continued, “S’okay. It’s in the past.”

Kaidan handed the bottle back to Joker. “I was angry. But not at you, not really.”

“Yeah, I know. I get it. When EDI died…” He stopped himself and took a last pull. “I blamed you Shepard. It took me a while to realize it wasn’t really your fault.” Liara reached out to put a hand on his shoulder in sympathy.

She'd suspected as much, and knew it had been one of the reasons she’d avoided him since they left the Normandy. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I thought you hated me. You’ve been so… not you.”

He finally looked at her, pain evident in his eyes. “What do you expect, Shep? I’m in mourning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music while writing: M83, "Wait"


	15. Diving Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew heads underwater.

The next day Admiral Shepard woke with a slight headache, courtesy of the previous night’s whiskey. She grabbed a protein bar and headed straight for the lab where she found Kaidan quelling yet another argument between the scientists.

“What now?” Jane asked groggily, taking a bite of the chocolate-flavored cardboard. 

“Unacceptable. Too much risk,” Oshari explained unhelpfully.

The turian huffed in frustration. “Admiral, I should be up on the Ursula. I’m a xenobiologist- I can help determine the nature of the outbreak. It’s more pressing.”

Jane blinked. “Wait, you want to go up and Oshari’s saying no?”

“Of course! Putting her life at risk is illogical as well as emotionally discomfiting. Wouldn’t want to see my friend become sick as well.”

“You guys are… friends?” 

Gakaris looked slightly surprised as well while the salarian continued, “Of course! Professional kinship often leads to platonic affection.”

Kaidan interrupted, “The Ursula is officially on lockdown. We do have something more pressing anyway; one of the submersibles is ready to dive. Gakaris, I’d be honored if you joined me on it.”

***

The sub, a basic observation and welding unit, could only fit three comfortably. Kaidan and Gakaris suited up in the decompression chamber while Jane argued with him.

“I should go. I want to see for myself what’s down there. And I’m in charge of this mission, I should take the biggest risks.” 

Kaidan shook his head. “You’ve taken enough risks. We need you to stay topside in case something goes wrong.”

“Kaidan, I’m not letting you-” He looked at her sadly. 

“Admiral, you can order me if you want to. But I’m telling you, as the father of your child, I don’t want you down there.” She clamped her mouth in a firm line, debating internally. “It doesn't always have to be you sticking your neck out. Please,” he added more softly.

“Fine… but take Kyllin. Let him take any risks.”

“Thanks a lot, Admiral.” The batarian appeared behind her. “Nah, I’m just messing with you. I’m here to do my job.”

Jane reluctantly stepped behind the door, which soon sealed in front of her. She watched the three board the vessel, Kaidan returning her gaze from the viewing window. She watched him until water flooded the chamber and obscured her view.

***

The crew watched the submersible’s camera feed from the bridge. The descent was slow and mostly unexciting; the water was dark, murky and sparsely inhabited. Gakaris, having done her research, announced the names of a few of the unremarkable fish that passed by. Jane was struck an intense longing to be off the grey world and back to the greens and blues of their seaside home.

“Communications will probably get spotty soon,” Kaidan spoke into the mic. “We’re about to hit 1500 meters.”

Sure enough, the feed began to crackle, filling Jane with anxiety. As she watched it fit in and out, Liara pulled on her arm. She looked at her quizzically.

“I don’t want to panic the crew,” she said in a low voice. “But TEX has gone dark. We’ve lost contact with the Ursula.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bah! So many characters to track.
> 
> Music while writing:  
> Lorde, "Team"


	16. The Cube

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew has a discovery.

Miranda Lawson was, uncharacteristically, sweating. She’d run from the crew quarters to the medbay in record time, bursting in on the doctor as he prepped something at the lab table. “Harris, we’ve got a serious problem. Three more crewmembers are sick. And our comms with Shepard's crew have gone dark.” She stopped short when she saw the doctor’s ashen face. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry Miranda,” he said, taking off his lab coat. “Looks like I’m one of the unlucky ones.” He rolled up his sleeve and she noticed the syringe on the table.

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m going to guinea pig myself. Not much good to my patients if I’m too sick to help.” He tapped the syringe. “This is the best I can do- a megadose of antibiotics and my best guess at a vaccine. Plus a generous handful of painkillers.” 

“Harris…” The doctor was already midinjection.

“Hey, don’t worry about me. You’re going to have to run the medbay for a while now, okay?” He sat on the edge of the empty cot. “Because I’m about to pass out.” True to his word, he landed backward with a soft thud.

***

The submersible passengers squinted out the glass impatiently. They’d been out of contact with the _Mara_ for almost an hour and were descending slowly, their lights not penetrating far enough to get a sense of their surroundings. Kaidan was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

“This planet’s boring as shit,” Kyllin stated bluntly. 

“In both unscientific and personal opinion, I agree,” said Gakaris.

A ping on their radar alerted them to approaching objects. “Looks like we’re close,” Kaidan said. They slowed their descent and a large, square structure crept into view of their lights. It appeared to be a metallic shell roughly the size of a large warehouse. 

Gakaris looked at their instruments. “Whatever it is, it's definitely our power source.” 

Kaidan stared at the silvery cube. “No markings that I see. Who the hell put this here?”

“Looks unmanned,” added Kyllin, although he kept a hand on the welding controls. It was the closest thing they had to a weapon.

After circling it for a few minutes, Gakaris cried out, “There! I see something.” She pointed to faint markings on the side. “I don’t recognize the language. Let’s take some pics and head back up. This place makes me nervous.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know nothing about medicine.
> 
> Music while writing:  
> The xx, "Intro"  
> M83, "Outro"


	17. Not Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse.

Liara, Tali and Jane stood in the comm room, frantically checking the instruments.

“Shit,” Jane muttered under her breath. “We’re completely in the dark.

“Maybe I can rig up our spare satellites and send a rudimentary signal,” Tali said after giving the electronics a last smack with her hand. “Let’s hope they have the same idea.”

Liara, who had been thoughtfully quiet, finally spoke up. “Perhaps Miranda was right. I’m beginning to suspect some sort of sabotage.” 

Jane pondered this. Liara’s time as an information broker had made her overly cautious, but too many things were going wrong to assume it was all bad luck. “Maybe. Any ideas?”

The asari shook her head. “Everyone was carefully vetted. But it couldn’t hurt to put us all on lockdown.” She glanced out the porthole over the watery horizon. “Not that we have anywhere to go.”

“Fine, we’ll pair up crew on watch so no one’s alone. And double up in quarters.” She checked the time on her omni. “Can you send the order? The sub should be coming back up by now and I want to go check.”

After Jane departed, Liara pulled out her tablet. After sending out the command to the crew, she entered a code that brought up a multi-camera feed; the ship’s old security system was still functional, though she was the only one with that knowledge. Observing the images for a moment, she pulled up her personnel files and began reviewing. 

***

“What do you mean, they’re not back?”

Jane stood, hands on hips, her frustration ready boil over. Joker pointed to the camera feed. “Still dark, see? Maybe they’re just being thorough.”

She stomped out of the bridge and onto the deck, peering vainly into the murky depths. Fear twisted in her gut. “No, it’s not like Kaidan to make me worry. He’d follow orders. Something’s gone wrong.” She turned to the pilot, a slightly wild look in her eyes. “Is there another sub? Or a diving suit?” He hesitated and she knew the answer. “So I’m just going to have to sit here and wait?”

“Hey,” he said, and squeezed her shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Kaidan’s a good soldier and don’t tell him I said this, but he’s smart. Anything that goes wrong down there, he can fix, okay?”

Jane knew he was trying to comfort her, but she was in no danger of crying or falling apart. She did, however, really want to shoot something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music while writing: FKA Twigs, "Two Weeks"  
> In case you haven't played ME2 in a while, some reference images of the planet :  
> http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/1/11986/1695008-1171451_haestrom_super.png
> 
> http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/masseffect/images/4/4b/Haestrom.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130119092058&path-prefix=pl
> 
> There's not a ton to work from.... ocean is my own invention.


	18. We've Got Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are dire on the Ursula; unwelcome guests visit the planetside crew.

Dr. Harris’ eyes slowly opened. Light filled his eyes, pulling him from the nightmarish deliriums he’d been having while asleep. As his vision focused he realized he was looking in Miranda Lawson’s blue eyes, a strange feeling passing through him.

“Harris? Can you hear me?”

He croaked something in return and she passed him a cup of water which he sipped gratefully before he spoke. “Thanks. I feel… not good.” He finally took in their surroundings and realized they were no longer in the medbay. “What’s going on?”

She waited until he’d finished drinking his water. “You’ve been out for about a day and things have gotten worse. Almost the entire crew is infected.”

He winced. “Are we in the armory?”

“It’s the most secure room on the ship. People were…” Miranda considered her words carefully, not wanting to panic him. “People are getting delirious and it’s making them behave strangely. Aggressively.” As if on cue, he heard a body slam against the thick doors and muffled shouting.

“You carried me here?”

“Of course.” She fiddled with his IV and flashed what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “You’re our guinea pig, remember?”

***

Kaidan checked his omni for the tenth time that minute. “We should be seeing daylight by now. What’s going on?” He looked at their instrument panel. “Are we not moving?”

Kyllin shrugged. “Hell if I know. All looks the same out there.”

Gakaris finally looked up from her photos of the cube and examined the vessel. “No, I think we’ve slowed to a crawl.” She checked her omni. “And it’s beginning to get rather warm in here.”

Kaidan cursed under his breath. “I think the air circulation's gone off.” The three looked at each other. “Our power’s failing and we’re stuck here.”

***

Tali sparked the wires attached to the satellite again; her rudimentary signal bursts would hopefully send enough dots and dashes to the Ursula to reestablish communications. She looked skyward, knowing she wouldn’t be able to spot the vessel through the atmosphere. As she worked methodically, she began to wonder if they were permanently stranded, then shook the idea off quickly. The sound of an approaching shuttle perked her up; assuming someone had finally flown down from the Ursula, she happily dusted herself off and ran to the landing pad on the deck.

Tali stopped short, however, when she didn’t recognize the shuttle, which looked heavily armored and beaten up. Curiosity quickly turned to fear when the doors opened and a small group of batarians slowly climbed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully things will turn around soon for the crew...


	19. There Goes Our Salvage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan reminisces, Jane deals with the visitors.

Kaidan considered his crew’s situation. No propulsion, no communications, failing power. While the aliens bickered about their course of action he found his thoughts inadvertently wandering to Jane Shepard.

When they met on the original Normandy, she’d already been an intimidating presence, a career officer with an impressive and bloody service record. Later, she’d confessed to him that his interest had surprised her; she’d had a massive chip on her shoulder those days- losing her entire team on Akuze had hardened her attitude- and unswerving stern professionalism. He thought she was beautiful. The events of that year had only served to frustrate her and, she privately admitted, exacerbate some of her worst qualities- impatience, bluntness- but it only made her more real, more human, to him. It was through her relationship with him, and the close friendships she’d formed among the crew, she’d softened considerably in the following years. 

There had been a real chemistry between them from the start; physical attraction of course, but also an easy rapport. Once formalities had been relaxed they’d found themselves talking more and more, eventually flirting, eventually more. All this passed through his thoughts in the short moments it took to relive a few flashes of memory: Jane, Kaidan and Ashley Williams leaning on a railing their first trip to the Citadel, admiring the view and clumsily putting out the first tentative feelers of attraction. Quickly he refocused his attention to his companions. “OK, let’s review our options. I may have a very stupid idea.”

***

Jane’s thoughts at the moment weren’t dissimilar. She had been pacing on the bridge when she got the ping from Tali: 

_Shepard- we’ve got company. Looks like batarian mercs- slavers or pirates. I’m weaponless and hiding in a supply closet._

“You’ve got to be kidding me. I do not have the patience for this.” She unholstered her pistol and grabbed the intercom. “Attention everyone. We’ve been boarded by hostile forces. Security personnel, please report to your stations. Everyone else lock your doors and remain calm.” She clicked the safety after her gun then continued, “As for anyone else who’s listening, this is Admiral Jane Shepard and you’re on my ship. You have to options: leave or drop your weapons now. I’ll give you sixty seconds to get the hell off.” 

***

Tali peeped out of the crack in the door, watching the batarians spread out. The ship’s intercom crackled to life and Shepard’s voice rang out. As soon as the announcement ended, they stopped and began arguing with each other, a few immediately heading back to their own shuttle after hearing the Admiral’s name. The rest prepared themselves for a fight. 

Their hesitation cost them, however. One was suddenly struck with a blue-hot hit of biotics- Tali recognized Liara’s work- and another fell as the dull pop of a firearm rang out. 

***

The batarians fired back, but their rudimentary weapons didn’t penetrate the biotic barriers the defending forces made use of. Jane crouched behind a cargo container, waiting for the break in fire that signalled reloading. At the pause, she pivoted around the corner and sunk two shots into the scattered group. Liara lunged from behind her own container and sent a ripple of biotic force into the remaining group,plowing through them and rendering them dead or unconscious. 

The Admiral strode forward confidently, pistol held out in front of her. The last member sat in the open bay doors of the spacecraft, arms held up in surrender. “Don’t shoot!” He said defeatedly. “I’m just the pilot.”

She stopped in front of him without lowering her weapon. “Who are you? What are you doing here?”

“We’re just a salvage crew, okay? Seriously, don’t shoot me.”

“Pretty well-armed for a salvage crew,” noted Tali as she joined the others.

“I mean, we hit a few colonies here and there. Alliance isn’t out here anymore.”

“You’re pirates,” Jane said in disgust. 

The pilot blinked his black eyes. “Well, yeah.”

Her few armed personnel came running up to join them. “Throw them in the brig,” she ordered without bothering to watch him being dragged off. “Nice shuttle.”

Tali was already climbing aboard, in her element. “We had a few of these in the Migrant Fleet. Very small, very efficient- good for long distances and small crews.” She began poking at some wires. “They probably stole it from an actual salvage crew.”

“Think that thing could fit in the Ursula, Tali? I may have another job for you.”


	20. Finally Some Good News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sub crew throws a Hail Mary; Miranda and Harris make some progress.

"Everyone ready?" Kaidan took a deep breath and adjusted his breather mask, then checked the instrument panel one more time. Gakaris and Kyllin glanced at each other then nodded reluctantly. When he finally reached his hand toward the controls when the turian put her hand on his arm.

“Alenko… are you sure about this?”

“Nope,” he replied bluntly. “I won't lie- it’s not a good option. But it’s the only one we have.” 

She regarded him for a moment with her avian eyes, then assented by strapping on her own oxygen mask. Turning to the batarian, Gakaris said quietly, “Kyllin, you should probably put yours on as well. There will only be a few minutes of air left once we jettison the O2.” 

He shook his head. “Only one tank for us to share- besides, batarians have a natural filtering system. I can go a lot longer with low air.” 

She cocked her head. “I’m a biologist, Kyllin. I know that’s not true.”

He tried to look offended. “Maybe it’s something we don’t share with other species, doctor.” Before they could object he reached forward and flicked the final switch.

*** 

Miranda sat on the floor, forehead on her knees and pistol clutched tightly in her hand, snatching a few moments sleep. Every few minutes her head would jerk at the sound of the tormented crew outside the door, but exhaustion would eventually win out. 

A hand on her shoulder caused her to snap awake and instinctively raise her weapon. “Whoa, it’s me.” Harris knelt beside her, hands raised in surrender. She slowly lowered it and inspected his appearance: he looked pale and weak, but the spark was back in his eyes. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked, reaching an arm to support him.

He sat on the floor, apparently exhausted by his efforts to get out of bed, and pushed his now-greasy blond hair off his forehead. “Like I’ve sweat my body weight out. But actually not bad. Either I was strong enough to fight this thing off or our little experiment worked.”

She exhaled deeply. “Thank god.”

“The question is, how do we get this to the rest of the crew.” He furrowed his brow.

“If we try to go out there and inject them one by one, they’re going to fight us.” Miranda thought for a moment. “One time on Omega we dispersed a drug into the environmental controls…” he looked at her with some alarm. “A vaccination,” she quickly added.

“We could vaporize our cure and release it into the vents…” Harris processed the idea. “But we’ll have to get to the lab first.” As if on cue, another thud hit the door followed by a mournful wail. They looked at each other grimly.

***

Admiral Shepard watched the shuttle disappear into the haze of the atmosphere. When it was finally out of sight, she sighed and - though not particularly religious- said a small prayer that Tali would be able to get help from the Ursula in time. Resigned, she walked briskly back to the starboard deck where the crew had been waiting for the sub to resurface, trying to breath in deep calming breaths. A light breeze had picked up and carried the familiar smell of a saltwater ocean, making her painfully homesick. Jane mentally kicked herself yet again for leaving their comfortable lives behind, for putting her family and friends at risk on what was essentially a hunch.

“Shepard!” Liara was waving her over from the railing. Jane broke into a run and peered over the side in time to see a mass of small bubbles breaking the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Accompanying music: Hot As Sun, "Mother I'm Alive"


	21. Deep Breaths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Kaidan are briefly reunited.

At news of the submersible's return, the small crew emptied outside, hurriedly hoisting onto the deck instead of wasting time in the decompression chamber. Once the small vessel was secured Jane wrenched open the hatch herself, Kyllin’s unconscious form tumbling out first. “He needs air!” Kaidan shouted from inside the chamber. They carried him onto the deck, Oshari and Arn already prepping a revival kit, the former talking a mile a minute.

Next came Gakaris, looking wobbly but insisting she would be fine. Finally, Kaidan ducked his head and emerged from the hatch, holding onto the doorway for support. His eyes and face were peppered with angry red bursts of blood vessels from the sudden pressure change.

“Kaidan.” Jane stepped forward and threw her arms around him. He pulled his arms around her waist, burying his face in her hair. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay.” 

Ignoring his repetitions, she turned her face upward and looked into his eyes, then - uncharacteristically throwing out all professional protocol- placed her hands on his face to pull him into a kiss. He registered the breach in military bearing but gratefully returned it. After a moment she pulled back and furrowed her brow. “What the hell happened?” 

He half-smiled. “Power went out. We blew out our O2 tanks to use as thrusters.” She looked at him incredulously as he shrugged.

Gakaris cleared her throat. Clutching a railing for support, she was once again all business. “We found something, Admiral.” 

Jane stepped back, glanced at the datapad the scientist held out, and nodded. “Take it to Liara.” 

***

Miranda paused at the top of the repair hatch. The small tunnel was just large enough for her to move in one direction. She prayed that none of the delirious crew had decided explore it for themselves, although going by the lack of sound from outside the armory, things were quieter out there. She guessed they’d passed out from exhaustion by now… or worse. “I’m not sure about this,” Harris muttered from the floor. “Maybe I could...” 

She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. You need to rest. And I don’t know how much longer these people can wait.” She took a deep breath and dropped into the small hole.

“Be careful,” the doctor added as he watched her intently. She nodded and, crouching, crawled into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the update delay... back to finishing this thing!


	22. Parnack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liara's intel comes in handy, again.

The central crew gathered in Liara’s makeshift command center; Gakaris had dropped off her data then quietly excused herself to check on Kyllin.

Liara gave Kaidan’s hand a brief squeeze. “I was worried about you.” He smiled. Years ago, at the beginning of their working relationship, the two hadn’t always gotten along. Shared experience had fortunately hammered the two into a solid friendship. Liara looked at the images they’d brought back, frowning. “I don’t recognize this writing myself. I can run it through a cross-reference of alien language, at least the data I have stored here.” After a moment something flashed on her screen. “That’s interesting. It says there’s only a few examples of this writing in the Council’s database.” She looked at Jane. “It was seen on Parnack.” Something unspoken passed between the two women.

“Parnack?” Kaidan prompted for further explanation.

“It’s one of the few places the Council has declared off-limits,” said Jane, nodding knowingly at Liara. “Because of the yahg.”

“Yahg? Shit, we’re in trouble then.” Kyllin appeared in the doorway, followed by Gakaris. He waved off their expressions of concern. “Knock it off. I was just doing my job.”

“An incredibly violent preflight species,” Liara continued explaining to Kaidan. “Few people have actually seen one.” 

“What the hell is Parnack tech doing on a quarian planet,” Jane mused quietly, half to herself. “And who would be trying to stop us from finding it.” 

“Who indeed,” Liara pondered. She rubbed her smooth forehead. “That reminds me of… hm. I have an idea.” The rubbing stopped. “I think I know who our saboteur is. Give me an hour.”


	23. It's Not Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our protagonists try to unwind, Liara conducts a successful interrogation.

Jane and Kaidan laid on their sleeping pads, watching the sun set into an orange and pink sky through the portholes in their room. They didn’t speak, but held each other tightly. Jane wasn’t able to verbalize her thoughts on the past few hours- it occurred to her he had always been the one waiting as she ran off to face certain death. She decided she did not care for the feeling. As they lay there she began to say something several times, unable to articulate, finally mustering a weak ’I love you’, receiving a contented hum in assent. As his eyes were growing heavy, Kaidan heard her quietly ask, “Did you want to send Ashley a message?” He sighed.

“I don’t want her to see me like this. Might scare her.” Only half-joking, he squeezed her a bit tighter. “Hope red eyes do it for you.” 

She laughed softly. “Mm, absolutely.” With that she pressed a kiss to him that quickly deepened. She wrapped her arms around his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair, enjoying the intimacy they’d been denied since setting out on their mission. The scent of metal and ozone- so particular to each of them, familiar and yet exciting- spurred her on as she suddenly shifted to climb on top of him. Just as things were starting get interesting, she was interrupted by the crackle of her comm. 

“Shepard?” Tali’s voice rang out, changing Jane’s irritation to relief as she sat up and pushed her reply. Kaidan's grin quickly dropped to a frustrated sigh.

“Tali! Are you on the Ursula? What’s going on up there?” 

Her friend’s voice came through the static. “I just fixed communications.. It’s strange, it looks like some sort of small EMP. And I don’t know where everyone is.”

Jane furrowed her brow. “More sabotage. Great.

” “Sabotage?”

“Tali, we’ve had some more trouble down here. Everyone’s okay so far but please, please exercise caution up there.”

“Will do. I’m going to get TEX online again and check out the rest of the ship.”

Jane turned to look at Kaidan, still laying on the bed. A frisson of anxiety passed through her, hardening her features; he hesitated a moment and was about to speak when they were interrupted yet again. This time Liara’s soft voice came through with an eerie, determined calm.

“Shepard, I’m ready.”

***

“Thank you for joining us. I know it’s been a trying day and I’m sure you’d rather be in your rooms.”

“In my lab actually,” Oshari said somewhat obtusely. 

Jane and Liara sat across from the salarians in a sparsely furnished room, Kyllin manning the door and clicking his firearm threateningly. The asari, having the subtlety and experience appropriate for such conversations, lead the interrogation. Liara finally cleared her throat and continued. “As you know, we found indications that the artifact may be of yahg origin. Only a few species have attempted to work with or study the yahg. And only one has shown a marked interest in recent years.” 

Oshari nodded, treating the situation more like a fascinating lecture than an interrogation. “Yes, yes, my species are notably curious.”

Jane interjected, “You don't find it a little coincidental that our mission is repeatedly sabotaged as soon as we try to study yahg technology?”

Kyllin growled, “If anyone knows subterfuge it’s salarians, slimy little tricksters… what?” He quieted at the dirty look Jane shot him.

She continued, “This mission has gone to hell. I’m tired. I want to go home. And as Liara here knows, I always had a bit of an impatient side.” She slammed her pistol on the table. “We can go through the whole good cop, bad cop routine- and believe me, I’m not even the bad cop here- or you can just come clean now.” Oshari looked stunned, his large eyes growing impossibly bigger. However, after a moment Arn quietly spoke up.

“Doesn't matter now. Out of my hands.”

If Liara was surprised by the assistant’s abrupt confession, she was the only interrogator careful not to show it. The asari simply nodded, adopted an open posture, and allowed him the space to continue. Jane, however, was less patient. 

“The sub, the communications… that was all you?” 

He continued to refuse to meet her gaze. “Among other things.” Before she could leap in to question his statement, he finally lifted his head to address her directly. “Please understand Admiral, it’s not personal or malicious. But I had my orders. Some things are more important than us. Some ends justify the means.” His dark eyes bore into hers. “You of all people should understand that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the looong gap between chapters. Things have been crazy at work.  
> Music while writing: "Cigarette Daydreams", Cage the Elephant ; "HD009", SURVIVE


	24. Kumun Shol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things begin to come together, finally.

Tali moved cautiously through the main deck of the Ursula, guided only by the penlight on her biosuit and the red glow of the auxiliary lighting that had kicked on after the EMP. Several times she thought she heard movement- a scraping sound, a low moan- but instinct told her it was unwise to investigate too closely. She quickened her pace as much as she dared, one hand on the bulkhead to guide her, finally reaching Engineering.

A few halfhearted calls into the dark told her no one would be responding. Her anxiety increasing, she walked quickly over to the instrument panel and began to work. After a few minutes she’d restored basic power, the lights snapping on and momentarily blinding her, the comforting whir of systems functioning washed over her. After a mental pat on the back, she allowed her eyes to adjust, only then noticing the prone figure near her station. Rushing over, she rolled over the crewman, only vaguely recognizing him. His eyelids fluttered as he breathed raspily.

“Shipmate- are you all right? What happened?” Seeing no injuries, she studied his face for signs of illness. Suddenly the man’s eyes snapped open, bloodshot and unfocused. With an inhuman wail he bared his teeth, his arms flying up to her neck. Tali gasped and choked as she attempted to pry him off to no avail. After a moment, losing air, she frantically reached around for any kind of weapon. 

Just as she was beginning to get lightheaded she heard the sound of metal grating and saw a dark figure burst out of the emergency hatch to her right. Within moments the figure struck the crewman on the side of the head; he collapsed heavily back onto the ground, still breathing. Tali dropped to her hands and knees, coughing and tearing. Finally lifting her head, she smiled weakly and took the hand Miranda was offering. 

"Right place, right time." The brunette explained, hoisting up the quarian. "Come with me- we've got a payload to deliver."

***

It was late- or perhaps early- and Shepard’s command staff was stretched out in various uncomfortable positions around the couches and chairs in the lounge. Joker snored softly, having claimed the largest sofa. Finally Liara entered and quietly shut the door behind her, settling onto a chair with her natural gracefulness. They turned their heads expectantly, Kaidan nudging Joker to wake.

“This has been…. Interesting. Both salarians swear that Oshari had nothing to do with it, and I’m inclined to believe them. Though truth be told, I wish Miranda was here to assist my interrogations. Arn has not been particularly forthcoming.” She rubbed her forehead, feeling the effects of her long day. “It appears he was formerly a member of a salarian special task force-”

“I knew it!” Kyllin barked triumphantly, but Liara held up a hand to quiet him. 

“Formerly. He left abruptly after being recruited by a certain Kumun Shol.” She was met with blank stares. “Shol has been at the edge of my radar for some time, but I’ve dismissed him as an eccentric fanatic. I…. I missed the signs, Shepard. It’s entirely my fault. My intel was bad….”

“Liara, stop. You’ve been great.” Jane’s voice croaked with exhaustion. “Let’s focus on what’s in our control here. What’s Shol’s hand in this?”

“Too early to say…. I’d wager he’s protecting the device here for some reason. Or he put it here. Or goddess knows what. He’s rich, powerful and if rumors are true, a bit of a cult leader. I’ll have a full report once we regain access to my files on the Ursula.”

Jane nodded. “Tali will be sending a shuttle down in the morning. It sounds like the crew’s been sick with something but they’ve just finished administering a treatment. In the meantime, leave our prisoners in the brig. Let’s get some rest and get the hell out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music while writing: Chromatics, "Tick of the Clock"
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying this- almost to the end of part I!  
> Feedback is always welcome since I'm a fledgling writer. More action? Romance? Less talky-talk? Liking my music picks?


	25. On Your Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew heads home.

“I want to thank you all again for joining me on this mission. You had a choice and I’m grateful you chose to stand with us. I know it hasn’t been easy-” Jane paused and considered how to end her impromptu speech on the Ursula’s comm. The vessel had been scrubbed top to bottom and those still recovering from the virus Arn had unleased were jammed into the small sickbay. “It hasn’t been easy. It never is. But you’ve done well. We’re officially en route to the Citadel. Those of you feeling well enough and not on watch are free to join the poker tournament in the lounge- drinks on me.”

Joker turned to glance at her. “Sacrificing your own whiskey? What will your boyfriend say?” 

She smiled. “I’ll ask him once he finishes his hand.” 

*** 

The Admiral walked slowly to the lab, rolling out her neck. The past few days she’d taken a beating physically- a few years ago her recovery time would have been shorter but now, even with her Cerberus enhancements, she was feeling her age. She intended to pester Kaidan to give her a backrub later and allowed herself a private smile at the thought of what might follow that. Jane nodded to the crewman stationed outside the door- they’d been using the lab as a makeshift brig, to the chagrin of the scientists. The doors slid open to reveal Liara quietly speaking with Arn. The privateer they'd captured snored loudly from one of the chairs, apparently able to sleep in any position. 

The Admiral crossed her arms and addressed her friend without bothering to look at the prisoners. “Anything new?” 

Liara gestured for her to join her at her computer on the lab table. “I’ve cross referenced what he’s telling me with my own files.” A small, unremarkable planet flickered on the screen. “This is Klencory. Just another resource-poor planet, not worth the Council’s time. Kumun Shol had set up residence as the unofficial head of state some years ago. He’s poured a sizable fortune into excavating the planet, all in the name of some vision he once had.” 

“Beings of light,” spoke up Arn, looking tired. He’d discarded all pretenses of the put-upon assistant they’d taken him for, now looking confident and somehow older. “They spoke to him, showed him the truth. He’s trying to protect us Admiral. We are on your side-” 

“Anyone on my side wouldn’t attack us with bioweapons and sabotage our equipment, so save your breath,” Jane replied curtly, not looking from the display. He quieted and slid back into his seat. “So what, this guy has a vision- maybe another Prothean beacon?” 

Liara shook her head. “Possibly. Whatever it was, it does sounds somewhat like the warning you received about the Reapers. Shol's course of action is no secret- he's been looking for some sort of crypt, or database, from these 'beings of light.' Perhaps like the Prothean archives we've found." Jane's mind flashed to the being she had encountered on the Catalyst. She had yet to share her experience with everyone and, still bearing the weight of the decisions she made that day, wasn't ready to cross that bridge yet. Liara continued: "I didn’t actually think he had followers though- unpaid ones at least. I’m still not sure about this connection to the yahg. A mutual agreement perhaps. Arn can’t, or won’t give any of us specifics on his actual operation.” 

Jane pushed herself off the table she’d been leaning on. “Good work Liara. Take a break now- that’s an order.” The asari smiled. “If you don’t feel like sleeping you can go win some more of Kaidan’s credits.” 

*** 

A few minutes later the two found a large group squeezed around the table in the small lounge. Jane felt bone-tired yet she couldn’t help but look at her friends with warm affection. Kaidan laughed about something with a junior crewman, Tali was busy fussing with the music (a rather terrible selection of synthetic beats and pulses) Gakaris and Kyllin spoke quietly over their cards, their strange friendship apparently cemented by recent events. Jane nudged Liara’s side and gestured with her head to Dr. Harris, who couldn’t seem to stop staring at Miranda. The two observers grinned when they saw her return a glance, give a small smile, and pretend to focus on her cards. There was more to do- there would always be more to do. Jane, however, forced this thought to the back of her mind and focused on the present. She slid in next to Kaidan, squeezing his hand under the table- they were rarely overtly affectionate in public- and put on her best poker face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing music: "He Had a Good Time", Cliff Martinez
> 
> One to go... should be up by tomorrow.


	26. Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew returns to the Citadel, but Shepard has other plans.

The Citadel quietly glided into view, its shining arms reflecting the stars' rays. Jane watched from the small observation window on the Ursula’s main deck as the space station slowly grew larger. The ship was mostly quiet, the low familiar hum of power creating a blanket of white noise that filled the corridors. A ping on her omni from Joker alerted her to their imminent landing:

_Shepard- we’ll touch down in 30. Why don’t you bring the fam to my place later for dinner? I promise not to cook. -J_

She smiled to herself. She’d missed her friend the past year, and even if she secretly doubted he was good with kids, she wanted him to be part of her daughter’s life. After docking, Jane stationed herself at the gangway to personally thank her crew. Most of them had recovered by the time they arrived, thanks to Miranda and Harris’ care, and only a few who'd injured themselves in their delirium required assistance. Everyone looked tired and a pang of guilt struck the Admiral for putting them through such a rough mission, especially considering what she’d be asking next. She turned to the massive window with a view to the ship, crouched and waiting, its work not yet done. 

Kaidan’s familiar footsteps turned her head. “Hey,” she said, smiling more broadly. “Always the last to demob, Alenko? Or are you just tired from last night?”

He returned the smile and hugged her from the side as he joined her at the window. “Thought you wore me out, huh?” He kissed her briefly. “Excited to see our girl?”

“You know it.” They were contentedly quiet for a moment. “I wanted to tell you the other night… I was wrong.”

He turned to look at her. “Wait, let me get this is writing. I was right about… what was I right about?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “It was stupid to assume getting married would mean that this… this one beautiful, amazing thing I’ve been given… would fall apart.” She sighed softly. “We've been through so many terrible things… I’ve done terrible things.” He began to protest but she shook her head against him and continued, “I can’t regret what’s in the past. But you have been the best thing the universe has thrown at me. And I’m so scared I’m going to mess it up somehow.”

He stroked her hair gently and spoke in a quiet, soft voice. “You’re not going to mess it up, babe.”

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. “Yes I am. Because I’m going to ask you to do something. And if you say no I’m going to go through with it anyway.” Kaidan’s brow furrowed. “I’m going to find Shol. I want to- have to see this through the end.”

After a pause, he pulled her back to his chest and they stood there in silent understanding. 

“You’re not going with me, are you.”

“No.”

She choked back a sob. “It’s better for Ashley if one of us is here.”

“It is. The soldier's part of my life is done, babe- I have to start putting her first." He sighed. "Jane… I love you but you don’t have to be the one stick your neck out. Ask the Council to send someone else. I’m asking you not to do this.” She felt his heartbeat through the hardness of his chest. “Please don’t do this.”

***

That night the couple allowed themselves to be lost in the warmth of reuniting with their daughter. They were careful to not show Ashley any signs of discord, even after she fell asleep on Kaidan’s chest with a contented sigh. Much later that night Jane and Kaidan made love with the slow, comfortable pace of two people who knew each other well and had all the time in the world.

A few days later, Admiral Shepard received her supplies and the remaining crew that agreed to accompany her; with Kaidan gone, Jane had assigned Miranda as her new second in command. The woman had raised an eyebrow but not pressed the issue, although Jane had a feeling the questions would come later, and she wasn't sure she had the answers. The Ursula glided silently out into space, arcing its way across the galaxy, until the fiery blast no one had seen or expected took out the engines and left them drifting, helpless, in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing music: "Farewell and Into the Inevitable" from the ME3 Citadel soundtrack (feels appropriate...)  
> Well folks... that's the end of part I! I know, kind of a sad time to leave off at. BUT  
> II, tentatively and poorly titled "Binary Star" is already mapped out. I appreciate your subscriptions, bookmarks, comments and kudos SO SO MUCH. I'll be taking a short break due to my own military service commitments then getting that bad boy edited and posted.


End file.
